Social (Networking) Cues Pt. III

Amy Balmuth

I can’t really remember my first profile picture (it has been deleted… for you and me both) but I’m pretty sure it included a side pout, peace sign and pink polo shirt. To quote the esteemed Mr. Jacob Pharoah, it was “heinous.” But what I find most embarrassing is not the fact that I used the “glow” effect on Photo Booth or that my mouth area resembled a fish gasping for air. No, what shames me the most is that I ever cared that much about my looks, or rather, what other people thought I looked like.

As high-schoolers, hopefully our “New profile picture!!!! PLZ comment?” days are far behind us. But just in case, here are some tips to avoid the most severe cases of Facebooker’s remorse:

  1. Natural is best. Though we cannot all attain the perfect candid, we can make strides towards normal-looking pictures by taking it easy on the filters and skinny-arm. It will be hard at first (“Hefe makes me look SO GOOD!”), but a world with less peace signs and head tilts will be a good world indeed.

  2. Profile pictures should reflect your actual life. If you recently took an exotic sojourn to Africa, go crazy with the humanitarian-hot pictures. Looked great at prom? The world should know! The same profile picture since 2009, however, begs the question: Where have you been the past 4 years? Should we send out a search team?

  3. Caption with caution. As the old saying goes: “photo credz where photo credz are due.” However, less is definitely more as far as photo captions go. Adding a fun quote acknowledging the offbeat nature of your picture (such as “the most boring picture alive” or “If you cannot find peace within your selfie, you will never find it anywhere”) makes one seem self-aware and jocular in the best of ways.

  4. Profile pictures, like life, should be taken lightly. Don’t take things too seriously, otherwise you’re bound to get hurt (and get NO likes). If the viewer of your profile can’t even be bothered to click on “Photos of ____,” they’re not worth it; take it from me.

May you receive all the notifications you desire and remember that profile pictures matter very little–mark my words: they’ll be Vines soon, anyways.