Cherika Shreds The Street

(And by that we don’t mean driving quickly, we mean emotionally tearing apart those who work for The Street) Charlotte Collins and Erika Marcinek It has come to our attention that there is there suddenly a newfound interest in fashion at Latin, entirely due to the existence of something called The Street, our one and only rival for the entire Forum viewership of every person at Latin, and which neither of us have ended up on (due to a conspiracy between the Stone sisters). What’s the matter, Latin? No longer enjoying Charlotte’s seemingly endless cycle of androgynous sweater vests? Disturbed by the fact that Erika will wear the same jacket to every class for weeks on end? We simply do not understand why we are not getting the respect we deserve as fashion icons at this school. To prove our superiority in fashion (and beauty and brains and talent and craftsmanship) we have decided to write, at 8:52 on a Sunday night (past the Forum deadline? Who knows!) a personal guide to get a-dressin’ to a-steppin’. Step 1: Dressing to your body A lot of magazines these days seem to be naming the various body shapes. We however, know far more than any fancy print magazine with their paper and national recognition, we understand that there are more body types than just pear, apple, and stick. We recognize all of the frequently seen shapes: -The nail clipper: that ribcage smaller than your head bothering you? Wear less purple, you wizard -The crescent moon: ever since that shark took a bite out of you, you haven’t been able to dress the same. Well you can’t, so back away from those bandage dresses -The stag beetle: Jesus, your head! Step 2: Spirit Day Ever notice how on Fridays, the school is a blinding array of blue and orange? Yeah, we haven’t either, but apparently it’s supposed to happen, and it’s something our rivals at The Street seem to take very seriously, and we will too. Come Friday, Cherika likes to whip out a very vague interpretation of blue and orange. Blake Weston, a serial supporter of us in this venture (sure, you’re “color blind”), says, “yeah, write that article, it’ll be really good” We advise spreading out “blue” to mean everything except red, and “orange” to mean everything except red (no red guys, we are so serious about this. If there’s one thing that you should know about us, loyal followers, it’s that we just hate red). Step 3: Time tested ideas, fine as wine, right from the mouth of the river (our mouths) -Belts, one not enough? Been there girl. How about you layer? Think it’ll look good over three sweater vests? It will. -Trucker shirts? Erika has never left the house without one of these somewhere on her body. Worried that crew neck will restrict your arm motion? Problem solved. -Ever see Charlotte wandering the school wearing a shirt that depicts some form of sea life? No, she didn’t just leave her shift at the underwater mine she works for; she thinks she looks good, and she does. -Freshman year Erika owned a sulfur-yellow, empire-waisted mock turtle neck. The only reason she no longer wears it is that a stranger accidentally burned it. Believe us, it looked good then and it would look good now, if it hadn’t been reduced to ashes by a good Samaritan. We urge all of you to take these lessons to heart and work them with your wardrobe; we are sure they will look better on you than us, and if not, maybe a masked and friendly neighbor will take that lesson out into the ally, accidentally soak it in gasoline, and then hurl candles at it. With that we leave you confident in how to dress and The Street a burning pile of rubble behind us. You’re welcome. Xoxo, Cherika Join us next week for a horoscope, the result of seven years of astrological research.]]>