Welcome to Queeries, the Gender and Sexuality Minorities Affinity Group’s (GSM) public question-answering forum. If you have a question you’d like to ask the members of GSM regarding queer life, terminology, or anything else, we’d love to answer it.
“Queery #3: I’ve finally come to terms, personally, with the fact that I am gay. But I still don’t feel ready to come out. The shame is gone but the fear isn’t. I don’t think my family would accept me now so I don’t feel comfortable telling them yet. But I’m also worried that my friends will think of me differently. I have mostly guy friends and even though I think they’re mostly accepting, I don’t want them to think I have a crush on them and not feel comfortable around me. I just wish I could come out and nothing about my life would really have to change. What should I do?”
First of all, the members of GSM want you to know that we’re really, really proud of you for coming to terms with your sexuality on your own. You deserve to live a fulfilling life without being ashamed of who you are, and we’re so glad that you’re finding this for yourself. Secondly, you should know that the concerns you have are very relatable. Worries about whether friends will accept you are near-universal amongst queer folks. We’re sending you our love and support.
We want to remind you that you DO NOT have to come out to anyone. You are not deceiving your friends or family by staying closeted—you have the right to withhold that personal information. Additionally, coming out is an ongoing, lifelong process. It’s not as simple as being in or out of the closet—queer folk often need to come out to people every day. This step you’ve taken by emailing us is the first step of many. We hope you’re one day at the same point many of us in GSM are at, where we can look back at our first steps and laugh at them together. 
If you DO decide you want to come out to friends in high school, come out to the people you trust first—maybe a close friend. Build a support group before telling a larger audience. Also, make sure to note that:

• You should give friends some time to adjust. An initial reaction might be shock or confusion, but that doesn’t necessarily reflect how they’ll feel in the future. 

• If some of your friends feel uncomfortable around you after they know your sexuality, that’s their issue, not yours.

• You should be ready for questions, and be aware that you don’t have to answer them. Nobody is entitled to your time.

• The internet can be a great resource! There’s a wealth of queer media and blogs that can give you a sense of community without having to come out to anyone in real life. 

• You certainly don’t have to come to GSM meetings, but if you’re not sure who to come out to first, any of us will gladly be there to support you.

• You can always send an anonymous email to members of GSM with follow up questions, or just to talk: **volunteered email buddies include: Haley Goldenberg, Nick Pranger, Kazi Stanton-Thomas, Ellie Teweles & Madison Seda** 

• Last, but certainly not least – our school counselors legally cannot tell anyone about your sexuality (not even your parents) unless they think you’re in direct danger.

As for your parents: As queer people, we are unfortunately given the enormous burden of not knowing whether our closest friends and family members will accept us for who we are. The consequences of coming out to an unaccepting family can threaten your physical wellbeing. If your parents have any financial or legal control over you (which, as a high schooler, they do), and you have reason to believe that they would be unaccepting of your sexuality, then you should not come out to them. Your safety must come first. If you aren’t sure how they feel about the LGBTQ+ community, you might consider testing the waters—perhaps you can tell them that one of your friends just came out as gay to see how they react, or subtly bring up a queer topic. This might help you get a better understanding of how your parents feel without having to take a risk. 
You mentioned having a fear of things changing—if you come out at Latin, you should anticipate a change, but that change isn’t necessarily going to be negative. Members of GSM all expressed how much better our lives became after coming out, even if it didn’t feel that way at first. Coming out for many of us was a freeing process, and an important step towards becoming the people we want to be. 
To end this Queery, we want to remind you (and any other closeted members of our community) that you are part of a beautiful, vibrant group of people. Whether you’re out to no one or to everyone, your queer identity is just as valid as anyone else’s. And no matter what happens in high school, you will grow older and you’ll find your people. One day, you’ll be able to look back at all of this and smile. We wish you the very best in your journey! 
GSM encourages members of our community to ask us any questions they have about the queer community or even questions they have about their own gender and/or sexuality. If you want to submit a Queery to Queeries, you can either write it on a slip of paper and leave it in Haley Goldenberg’s or Nick Pranger’s mailbox or submit it via email to [email protected]. We’ll answer them together next time we have a meeting. We meet in room 422 during Affinity block on Day 3.
Our meetings are always open, so come visit if you’re interested. 
Yours queerly, GSM