A Cherika Thanksgiving

A Cherika Thanksgiving

Charlotte Collins & Erika Marcinek Staff Writers Hello, sweet minions. It’s that time of year again, the time when we know all you want is to be snuggled in a blanket with us before an open fire, watching the snow fall outside as we stroke your hair. In honor of the upcoming season, we have decided to share with you a precious gift, our knowledge of the approaching holiday, America’s favorite holiday, Thanksgiving, or as we call it, 29th eve of the Winter Solstice (the only holiday we truly celebrate). Let us begin by saying that we refuse to recognize the break we are given from school as this is not a Jewish holiday, so we will be spending Thanksgiving shivering outside the doors of Latin, only wishing to be allowed inside the door to learn. Learning, sweet, warm learning! Until that wish is granted, we have some advice for the rest of you to make your indoor, heated Thanksgiving a good one this year PART I Traditions As someone whose parents refuse to accept the fact that they live in America and have for the past ten years, Charlotte will be spending next Thursday eating what could be considered the anti-Thanksgiving with a conglomerate of foreigners. In an attempt to deny reality, the Collins family sinks deeply into a pool of repressed dreams of freedom (we could always just fly back!) and confused attempts at giving thanks. Sure, it’s not a “typical” thanksgiving, sure last year she spent the night using remedial French to avoid seeing a stranger’s tongue piercing, but I bet it beats what you do, losers. Erika, on the other hand, after hours of staring blankly ahead at a painting of pilgrims, cannot recall a single Thanksgiving tradition beyond quietly watching relatives go nuts. As she does look forward to doing this again this year, she is also now entirely disillusioned with her family. Charlotte’s personal tips on making this TG a good’un would be the following -The more pumpkin pie the better. Charlotte recommends that vegetarians such as herself translate every couple grams of turkey consumed by others into a fist full or two of pie, ensuring that the night will be delicious and leave you smelling like a harvest -Relatives you don’t see that often visiting? Hug them, repress that mean thing you want to say about how they have treated you throughout your childhood, and tell them that themed cardigan looks great. It does. -Give a helping hand in preparing the meal. From laughter over mixing bowls to small-scale fires, there’s all sorts of fun that can result from this -Buy a Spanish English Dictionary and pretend that retired Flamenco dancer across the table isn’t watching you eat After returning to the Thanksgiving themed gallery we left Erika at, the only tip she can supply is this -“keep your precious fingers away from the open flame” PART II Thanks Here we wish to list a few of the many things we are thankful for 1. You, our loyal and devoted subjects. You would do anything for us, even kill for us, we just know it. Don’t even say anything, just hold our hands, shhhh 2. Charlotte’s pet cockroach Henderson. Baby, you came into my life and lit it up. I love you, don’t ever change (or do, I always want another exoskeleton) 3. “What’s something alive that I can love?”- Erika 4. Our teachers. You make our time at Latin ten times better. You are amazing 5. Family and friends. I guess you guys can stick around for another year. We now ask you to consider what things you are thankful for this year (and put them in the comments? We’ve heard rumors of an engraved bench coming our way if we top last article’s numbers) May the 29th eve treat you all well Xoxo Cherika  ]]>