Charlotte Collins and Erika Marcinek Hello, sweet lovebirds, It’s winter and we know you all are sweating due to lust (not the inadequate heating in this building), so we, as the resident power couple/romance experts at Latin (because we’ve dated everyone at the school of course) have put together some tips to keep the romance brewin’ with you and your sweet other. Tip 1: Don’t forget the importance of eye contact. Sometimes when Erika forgets this it hurts Charlotte deep so she hurts Erika deep. Bone deep. Tip 2: Talking isn’t everything. We make sure to devote at least fifteen minutes a day to solid, silent synched breathing. Tip 3: Make it clear you care about them and them only. There’s a reason why Cherika refuses to speak to anyone else or socialize outside of each other. Don’t you EVER look away from me. I can tell you’re really looking at her. Your eyes are filled with lies. Tip 4: Keep them guessing! Are you gay or straight? Why are you missing that finger? Does my drink taste funny? Where’s that thumping coming from? How did Erika get up there? I didn’t even know she could jump that high! Should I be dating her? Answer: Yes Tip 5: Be able to learn from other couples. We pull many of our most romantic inclinations from watching Andy and Begel interact (rival power couple). Tip 6: Compliments all the time! If you can’t do that, take that insult and reverse it. You’re hair doesn’t look like hay! Your beauty isn’t slowly fading with age! Your neck doesn’t smell frightening! Tip 7: Surprises! Roses and chocolates are old hat. We recommend bear traps, blood diamonds, and a box filled with snakes. Tip 8: Bring yourself into a near-death experience with them just to see how much they care. Tip 9: Call Erika (this number has been removed for legal purposes) (PUT IT BACK. SHE’S SO LONELY) (TAKE IT OUT. SHE ONLY NEEDS ME) In addition to tips, we’ve added a little extra advice for anniversaries because we assume everyone’s is on Valentine’s Day. How else do people get together these days without landlines and the good tradition of pinning? We assume our suitors have been waiting all year to arrive at our doors on Valentine’s day, gumballs and swizzle sticks in hand. That’s why we’ll be spending the whole day and night in our houses, doors unlocked and wide open, inviting lovers and thieves. Cheapskate Anniversary Gifts 1 year: Cork 2 year: Coal 3 year: Brine 4 year: Peanut oil. Real Peanut oil! 5 year: Aren’t we kidding ourselves a little here? They’ve got enough materials to make themselves a new girlfriend at this point. An earthy, spongier, more oily one. And if you’re single — well, there ain’t no significant other as good as a significant board game. Night. Alone. Goodbye for now, cobblestones paving our high school experience. Xoxo Cherika  ]]>