Jake Schlossberg Staff Writer First, a disclaimer: this piece is opinionated. I really can’t speak for anyone but myself. Having come out at the beginning of this past summer, I’m close to my unofficial one-year anniversary. Being out for almost an entire school year, I’ve experienced quite a bit. Firstly, I’ve been really happy. Nothing beats being your genuine self. Although, Degrassi Junior High already taught that to us all. What has really surprised me, though, is how people have treated me differently. More girls are coming up to talk to me. Granted, I’ve always had more girl friends than guy friends, but these girls are different. They want a “gay best friend,” a gay guy who is only in their life to take them shopping, gossip, and talk about boys. To understand how I feel about this, one first has to know a bit about me: I am a stereotype. Not because I have to be, not because I want to be, it’s just who I am. Having said that, it really bothers me when girls try to make me their own stereotype. Why can’t gay guys be someone’s best friend, not just a gay best friend? The world may never know. Something else that has surprised, saddened, and marginally angered me is the way that I’ve been talked to since coming out. People aren’t flat out insulting me, but it’s the little things, really. For example, I’ll be talking to a girl, and she will say something along the lines of, “ Why are all guys so stupid?” to which I respond, “I’m not stupid.” Usually, the girl says something similar to, “Oh, well you’re gay, you don’t count.” The last time I checked, I have a penis, and comments like that are extremely insulting. You know, I may act “femme,” but that does not mean that anyone has any sort of permission to say that I am not a man. Similarly, I’ve found that, more and more, girls are saying to me, “It’s such a shame that you’re gay!” That bothers me. I am not a waste of space, I am just as much of a human being as anyone, and even if you’re saying that as a joke, it’s awful. I just wish people would think of how their comments can be received. Honestly, if I were to go up to someone and say, “Gosh, it’s such a shame that you’re black,” they would be insulted. Don’t say that people are worth less because of something that they can’t control. I thought we were past that. Another thing that has really surprised me since I’ve been in high school at Latin is the lack of lesbian, bi, and trans presence at the school. Statistics dictate that 7 in 100 women in America identify as lesbian or bisexual. There are 430 students in Latin’s high school. By those numbers, there should be roughly 28 lesbian and bisexual girls in our high school. My question is, why aren’t there more “out” lesbians and bisexuals at our school. What sort of an environment have we created that lesbians and bi girls don’t feel comfortable coming out? What can we do to help more lesbian, bisexual, and transgender people feel comfortable at our school? That’s what the CAUSE is trying to figure out. Which brings me to my next point. Why aren’t there more GLBT people in the CAUSE? Currently, I can count the number of gay, lesbian, bi, and trans people in the CAUSE on my fingers. There are more GLBT kids than that in the school. Personally, I’ve found myself very disappointed by the lack of community in the Latin GLBT community. Luckily, we have some truly amazing straight people in the club as well, but we always wish there were more. My opinion is this: support one another; we’re all in similar boats, here. Look, now I’ve turned into an advertisement for the CAUSE. But seriously, it’s a great resource, more people should utilize it. Anyway, that’s just my opinion. Go discover your own side of the rainbow. ]]>
ewarren • May 10, 2012 at 12:07 pm
jake,
i really appreciate this article. thank you for your contribution to this conversation.
i wonder what the administration and faculty can do to make this a safer space for glbtqq students? i was happy to see the CAUSE make the announcement that gay couples are encouraged to attend prom, but in my 11 years here, gay couples have rarely attended. i know that it isn’t entirely the school’s responsibility to make each kid feel comfortable, but i do think we should acknowledge our role. we should continue to question, reflect, and be proactive about making latin a safe space.
thanks again for your thoughtfulness.
ms. warren
kgarrett • May 2, 2012 at 9:22 pm
Jake, I’m so proud of you for writing this article. I thought it was well-written and, most importantly, extremely honest. To call out people’s behavior takes bravery, but it’s necessary to do so in order to progress as a society, and, in this case, as a student body. However, I agree with Nick in that a lot of Latin students are insanely busy and just don’t have time to be in the Cause, myself included. This doesn’t mean that they don’t completely support the Cause in every way. But I do agree with you about the underrepresentation of the LBT community at Latin.
jwindus • May 2, 2012 at 11:15 am
Jake, my favorite heroes are those who have the guts to come out in high school. To come out, to thrive, and to teach your community, makes you something akin to a superhero. Thanks for doing your part to save the world, my friend.
gcervino • May 2, 2012 at 6:27 am
When you said you wrote an article in this forum, I instantly assumed that it would be about the fact that you are gay. Was I being stereotypical, maybe even homophobic? Perhaps. The fact that one is gay makes one “different” from the majority, and since we still live in a homophobic and gender-constructed society, it’s also viewed as a deviation. Thankfully, things are getting better. Latin is the proof of that, and so are shows like Glee.
So, you only came out in the summer between freshman and sophomore year? When you were a freshman and we did the Sound of Music together, I already knew that you were gay. I could just sense it very time I saw you. No , I’m not a stalker, but this shows that many of the stereotypical characteristics of gay men and women are something that is inborn, and not something they create in order to rebel against society.
The lack of open lesbians/bisexuals at Latin is a very odd one. Traditionally, female homosexuality is more accepted by society, so if we consider the cause to be homophobia, things should be the exact opposite. What I noticed around me and on television, though, is that bisexuality if often not taken seriously. In men, it’s viewed as non-existent. In women, it’s an experimental phase girls are actually encourage to pursue in college for the sake of seeming more attractive. I believe discussions about being bisexual should take place more often in the media and in The Cause.
I do not know who told you that you are not a man, or that the fact that you are gay is a shame. But I would advise you to stay away from girls who only got interested in you after knowing that you are gay. You said it brilliantly in your article: if you were straight, they wouldn’t even approach you. These girls are not interested in you; they are interested in the silly fantasy of having a gay best friend, so that they can get tips from you on how to improve their love lives. Stick to your real friends and talk to these people the least as possible. If you were the one asking for help in a relationship, they wouldn’t give it to you.
I believe that the cause is still a great center of support no matter the type of people who are there, and I agree with Nick. Being in The Cause or not is not an evidence of your opinions about homosexuality. Although students should be encouraged to join, we shouldn’t advertise the club as if they had to prove they are not homophobic by going there. People are defined by what they do, not by what they say; being in The Cause due to peer pressure is not very different than going to the assembly every day. If someone, gay or straight, really wants to be in the club, they’ll do it.
I’ll be attending meetings of The Cause in the final weeks of the year. And I hope one day, people will see GLBT’s as having exactly the same interests and the same abilities as straight ones.
cbianco • May 2, 2012 at 1:04 am
Jake, I am so proud of you. It takes a lot of integrity to publish such a personal article on a school forum and I commemorate you for doing this. But I do disagree with you on one point. I have gotten to know you very well this year and I don’t believe that you are a “stereotype” at all. Sure, you love fashion and showtunes, but I don’t think that these characteristics make you a “stereotype.” I think that it’s dangerous for people to categorize themselves and I think that high schoolers do it far too often. And the reason why it is especially dangerous to categorize yourself as a “stereotype” is because you are essentially giving permission to other people (in your case, the girls who want you to be their “gay best friend”) to treat you like a stereotype.
You also shouldn’t be afraid to speak up when someone says something that “surprises, saddens, or marginally angers you.” In order to continue making Latin a more healthy and accepting environment, it is essential that students are able to communicate with one another. Besides, odds are that the person saying something such as, “It’s such a shame that you’re gay!” does not realize that they are offending you, and I promise that if you calmly let them know that you are offended, they will never say something like that to you (or anyone) again. I think many people are unaware of the impact of their comments and it is important that you feel comfortable enough to stop someone when they have said something insensitive.
nlehmann • May 1, 2012 at 7:36 pm
I think this is a really well written article and it highlights a lot of what gay and lesbian students experience at Latin. But, I think there are a couple things that are important to include that aren’t mentioned in this article.
I got the feeling from this article that a lot of students at Latin aren’t accepting or aware of how they treat gay students. I don’t think that’s entirely true. I think we have to really look at the school and community and pride ourselves on how accepting and appreciating the students and faculty are of out students. Compared to other schools, we are lucky we are able to be in such an accepting and loving community, and I think a lot of people deserve recognition for that.
I’m also undecided about the line “I’ve found myself very disappointed by the lack of community in the Latin GLBT community”. I think that just because many of the gay students at Latin aren’t in the CAUSE, it doesn’t mean there is a lack of community. Assuming that students who are gay must be in the CAUSE because they are gay is a stereotype itself. If we are trying to avoid stereotypes, wouldn’t that be an unfair assumption? Students have a lot to deal with including workload, outside activities, and other clubs, and just because they aren’t in the CAUSE, doesn’t mean they should be looked down upon.
rstone • May 1, 2012 at 12:27 am
Jake, you have created something special here. This is a new sort of article for a new sort of school and I am incredibly proud of this newspaper for being the first to show your talents, both as a writer and as someone who can make people think. I could use English 11 terms and commend you on your use of pathos and logos and ethos, but I really don’t want to do that. I’ll just cut to the chase.
It’s not just T.V shows like Glee that perpetuate stereotypes, but rather it’s all of us. Even if we feel like we’re being postmodern and defining a new tolerance/humor/personality/awesome comedic relationship, we’re not. And I don’t think I realized that until I read this article.
I wonder why shows like Happy Endings and Smash and whatnot all seem to be actively creating these stereotypes, and why (if they aren’t), they seem to be trying so hard to make sure audiences know they aren’t (with punchlines like: “Oh, look! A gay character who just so happens to be Republican!” or “Isn’t it funny, the gay character is better at sports than the straight character!”)…maybe it’s because the American public is light years behind the sort of tolerance we’ll have in fifty years, maybe it’s because t.v shows think they need to ease people into the stereotypes first, or maybe it’s for another article. But hearing (well, reading) about your experiences and reading about the obvious discrepancies was also a bit of (sorry, cliche is coming) an eye-opener.
Regardless of my opinions, I am just happy to be able to have read yours. And for the record, I never saw you as a “gay best friend.” I always saw you (still see you) as that kid in my homeroom who isn’t afraid of sharing his opinions, and just so happens to have better hair days than half of the student body.