Every student knows that, to be successful in class, they must earn their teacher’s approval. Thus, it is something Latin students tend to obsess over. Believe it or not, achieving this feat is easier than you might think. Here is a list of our most straightforward, universally effective tips to gain your teachers’ affection:

The Classic Apple Technique

An age-old method, tried and true. Bring a small (or large, depending on how annoying you are) token of appreciation, and subtly give it to them. This will remind them of a bribe, which will prompt them to feel like they owe you something (always good).

Note: the best method is the table slide!

Compliment them!

A little verbal bolstering never hurt anyone! New Lord Farquaad haircut? No, it’s not! It’s the freshest cut you’ve seen all day, maybe even all week! Despite how awful their attire may be, never display your catty criticisms. Bite your tongue, swallow your bitter thoughts, and ask them where they got their shirt from with a smile.

Feigning Interest

They like to show pictures of their hairless cat, Beethoven? Time to coo over the balded beast. They collect poisonous insect carcasses? Grab your fly swatter and head out for a hunt.

Become their therapist
Listen to their problems, and no matter what, always comfort, reassure, and offer them solutions.
Beethoven the Bald has anxiety? Better get meowing! You’re going to Dr. Dolittle that heinous hellion into a carefree feline.

If all else fails, make them feel bad for you
Proceed with caution, as you don’t want to come off as pathetic rather than wronged (nobody likes a wimp, duh).
There is nothing that makes someone more uncomfortable than someone older than 10 breaking down into tears. Use this to your advantage.

P.S. We don’t condone the use of any of these strategies, although some have, in fact, proven effective. These tactics are to be put to use only in emergency situations when being a respectful, diligent, hardworking student has failed you (which, let’s be honest, it often does).

P.P.S To our teachers: We have never utilized these tactics, nor will we ever, but your hair looks really nice today.