Advice with Cherika (the people demanded more)

Staff Writers Hey everyone and Will Nuelle We’re back, bronzed and shiny (is it sweat or a thin layer of oil?) from the pale winter months spent in Chicago. We hope all you scumbags enjoyed your break without us, but we’re back and a cold snap won’t stop Cherika from doing their thing (although even the tiniest obstacle course would, we have trouble climbing stairs) You guys might have heard some rumors about us since school started up- “Cherika’s making a new advice column!”, “It’s gonna be the best ever!”, “Because they’re the best ever!”, “is it true they’re going to make out for the senior banner?” (it is) Yes, this is another advice column, but unlike the last the questions are not (entirely) fictitious, they’re straight from the wide and fish-like mouths of the student body. Q: What do we do if we’re going through a rough patch with a teacher we love? From Anon A: While we have never encountered this problem because every teacher we have met enjoys nothing more than our hilarious banter (shout out to Tempone, our one and only teacher friend), we understand there are two routes you can take. The options are as follows: “can I sit next to you? Can I stroke your face? Why don’t you love me anymore? Hold my hand” or “I’m outside your house and your blinds are open” to let them know you care. Neither are recommended. Q: What’s the best way to slack off? From Anon A: Many people question how to get started on doing something worthwhile with their time, we question how to get started on something not worthwhile with our time. Currently to avoid any math homework we have been marmot-hunting and learning how to wingsuit. While they have left us with pellets in our shoulders, gangrene, no dead marmots, and wind-burned faces, these hobbies are a much better use of our time. We also recommend moonshine production (kidding). Q: How can I be nice to people I don’t like? From Anon A: We can’t. Anthea stop looking at us in the hallways, your desperate stares elicit only pity in us. Q: Why are all my piercings infected? From Anon A: Been there girl! Just remember, after you get pierced showers become less of an if and more of a when. Q: Why do freshman keep buying doc Martins? From Anon A: They do? We can’t see that grade actually. Q: Opinion on changing in the hallway? From Anon A: Only if it’s (these words have been removed for legal purposes) and only if we get to stroke their (these words have been removed for legal purposes). Q: Where’s Reba? From Anon A: What screaming? We locked our cat in the closet. That’s our cat. Q: How do I not fail Spanish after having taken four years of it that…oh wait I messed that up… A: It’s alright Jackson. Q: What the hell are you wearing? From Blake Weston A: What the hell are you wearing you color blind son of a gun! You love us Blake! Q: How many dates do you guys get asked on? A: In a normal way or in a creepy three part way? Either one involves us consulting a long list. Well, there it is, we have thrown our clamoring followers a few scraps of advice, on which they may gorge themselves for the coming months until Cherika puts pen to paper once again. Until next time everyone and Will Nuelle and Tom Kloehn, Xoxo Cherika          ]]>