Illuminati at SAB

Staff Writer Initial reports have now been confirmed that SAB has been working in conjunction with the infamous Illuminati secret society in a campaign to overthrow the Latin School hierarchy. It is unknown how the two powerful organizations came into contact, but it is known that several representatives of the Illuminati clan, including hometown boy Kanye West, appeared in front of SAB for initiation ceremonies. Junior Henry Pollock was reported saying that “[he] distinctly heard chants resonating from the fabled 311.” His reports are deeply troubling, but at the same time profoundly interesting. The meeting’s agenda is still under investigation by Mr. Guzman and his staff. Conspiracy theorists are already busying themselves writing columns online about the potential for revolution within the Latin School community. Insiders, however, will not budge in regards to information. Senior Brian Dhingra, co-head of SAB, declined to comment about the meeting. It is speculated that the meeting took place early Friday morning at 7:30 AM, seeing that it was a late start day. After rumors surrounding the meeting had arose, the question was asked, “was Ms. Dorer Fitzpatrick present at the meeting?” and then followed by, “was it Mr. Fript who let this happen?” Either way, Illuminati influence within the school casted a dark impression over the students, many of whom were concerned that the Illuminati would eliminate fried rice from the lunch menu. Sophomore Dylan Burke had this to say about his fears of Illuminati takeover, “This is a sad day for the Latin School of Chicago. Although it was seemingly inevitable, I never thought the takeover would come so soon, and infiltrate so quickly. Despite my general confusedness about who the Illuminati really are and what they intend to do both at our school and across the global, I am fearful for the future and for myself until I graduate.” Burke plans to graduate in 2015. More reports coming your way.]]>